# 1

Caroline, our # 1 always and forever,


No, I do not have any guilt calling out loud, Caroline our # 1. She was our first child, grandchild and great-grandchild on both my side and Zack's side of the family. She paved the way for everyone, "here comes # 1" we say as she runs past. She turned 8 years old Sunday. Every year is special, important, worth documenting, because she is my child and also because it marks another first for everyone in our family. 

At first I was scared, like I am sure the rest of this family when I was 19 and pregnant with my high-school sweet-heart... however, the moment Zack and I knew we created someone - it was that moment we knew she was the turning point in our young and crazy lives. She was a fresh start that only good was going to come from. And she was perfect in every way from the first moment she was created to her 8 year old-self now. 

This is my letter to my # 1,


If not for you, I am not sure where or who I would be today. I have tried a million times to imagine where it may be, but I promise none of my wonders ever come close to how truly full-filling it is to have become your mother when I did.  Your life brought every ounce of goodness to my life and your dads, so good that we are sure we could not have found anywhere else in this world other than through you, our sweet first. 

You are my best friend. I love you more than the world. I need your kisses 10 million times every day and all the time. Your cheeks are the softest, like fluffy clouds, and your snuggles are warmer than summer. Your love cures all wounds and I need you everyday. I will always tell you these things, like I know I have a million times over, because Caroline, they are true. This is my love for you.

Since that first day you came along, our family has grown twice more. You have a little brother, and a little sister. Roman, he is our only boy and Nora is our preemie power. You see, you each hold someplace special and unique that is in my heart. I love you each to my hearts capacity and each day it grows more. That doesn't mean my love for you has shrunk or even budged since #2 and #3 came along. These days I rely so heavily for your help with Nora or to please share with Roman for the sake of less arguing. I do not mean to divide my attention or to take away from something you may be needing, even something as simple as just your time with me, mom.

Now let me tell you something I don't tell you every day. I am so thankful as a mother to have such a wonderful little girl who is so nurturing to her little siblings. I am so lucky you only have love to give everyone. I am blessed that we have each other. Caroline you are so good for my soul I am not sure how I will take the news the day you decide to go to college or plan dates with friends over dates with me. The first time you go to someone else for advice on life or "need a break" from your mom, could be heartbreaking for me. I know these things will happen and I know it will be alright when you do. The truth is, I have so much fun with you I can't imagine anything different than what we have today.

Here is my promise to you. I will try my hardest to show my love to you every day and give you everything a mother can. I will be your best friend, I will understand when I'm not. I will be excited for new accomplishments, and sad with you when maybe you don't become president at age 10, or convince the world that littering is not healthy for the Earth. I will also be there to help you find other ways to meet goals that mean so much to you, ways you can can succeed in making a difference. Maybe you make some mistakes along the way, but when in doubt I want to show how you can come to me, I'll help you work though it. All of these things can happen, maybe you will be grounded at one point or another, whatever happens, nothing will change how I love you. And lastly, you are always my # 1, my sweet first. No one can take that from us, it's our bond for keeps.

Happy birthday my love,